Just Jenn

Well, today begins the new year.  I saged my apartment, blew cinnamon in the doorway, salted the entrance, and made the traditional "good luck" meal of PA--pork and saurkraut.  As I look back on the last year, it was rough. But it was also so good. A lot of people agree with the first sentiment, though. I've been dealing with trying to heal my inner child and focus on bettering myself emotionally; undoing some of the trauma from the last 4-5 years plus many year's past. Lola's getting older and her health is rough--so she's on a lot of medicine and a diet of food I cook/feed to her multiple times a day. Work is the same...same pay, same expectations, same routine...which is bad ( mostly the pay part ) and good. So much evil is going on in the world around us. I went through the long process of changing my antidepressants because I no longer wanted to take Effexor. It was just...a lot. But some good things came along, also. I met my boyfriend Adam who is a grea...

 ...this is the technical term for an extreme fear of heights. I've always been scared of heights; I don't like rollercoasters, don't do well going up ladders, avoid the edges of cliffs while hiking, etc.  But only recently has it affected my driving/where I "can go". After I moved back to town, I stopped having to drive on the highway. So initially, I started having what I thought was highway anxiety. First it was just going over bridges--then it was the highway altogether. When I started my current job, I had to take the highway again. It took a little but I started being okay with driving again. But as quickly as that occured, Covid hit. I was back to square one. So now am I not only fearful of the highway and bridges, I've also come to find that I'm extremely fearful of driving on the mountains.  This is something I've discussed in therapy. I know it's anxiety/panic, and I know that it stems from a distrust in myself. I'm afraid of my panic...

It's been all over, well, everywhere. Matthew Perry died yesterday at the age of 54. I know many people are not really "Friends" fans. I however am. And the character of Chandler Bing was my favorite. Sweet, pessimistic, quirky, somewhat aloof...he was one of the only characters that didn't annoy me in any way. "Friends" is actually one of my comfort shows since people with anxiety apparently have those.  But it always hurts me to see people who battled such demons finally lose, either to their DOC or to something unrelated. It reminds me that addiction does not discriminate, the happiest people can be the saddest, that fame and money sometimes can't make life better, and that life is short. From what I've read, he had drowned at his home. I haven't gone down the rabbit hole of what exactly happened because it's seriously all. over. social media. They will of course do an autopsy to rule out any drug/alcohol use but I'm just confused how ...

For a few days now, I've been thinking about deleting my old blog page. It had been around, on and off, since 2016. Well...a lot has changed in those 7 years. I still very much enjoy writing, but felt it was time to start with a clean slate.  So, I did it. And here is my new page. With that, I'm not really sure the direction I will be going with the content. I think this blog is more for *me* than the reader, though. A diary of sorts? A "journal" perhaps? But I've always been one to love memoirs...of random people who have been through some shit, or celebrities. A little voyeurism never hurt anybody right? So if you want to read my thoughts on paper ( but, actually, typed ) then here it is. "Just Jenn" I will most likely delve into topics that are hard for me, or that I'm personally working through, such as: -social injustices -how much some shit just SUCKS -late stage capitalism -my mental health -therapy and my healing journey -taking care of Lola,...