Just Jenn

Ooof, this is always a crap topic. And I never really felt like I deemed myself to have "imposter syndrome" until probably just recently. Pretty much what it boils down to ( in my opinion ) is the lack of self-esteem/self-worth. I've talked in therapy, numerous times, about how I was never taught by my parents or any other "figure" in my life how to have good self-esteem. And in not being taught that, I have a hard time separating confidence vs. arrogance. So if I agree, or willingly say, I am good at something...I don't view that as being confident but as being cocky. In my younger years, I made job moves for more money. I felt like I worked hard for my age and deserved better compensation. As I got older I "worked my way up" per se, and made changes that always increased my income. I had a strong sense of self at my last job; I had good hands that my doctor trusted with specific surgeries he only wanted me in on, I thought outside the box and was...

Well, today begins the new year.  I saged my apartment, blew cinnamon in the doorway, salted the entrance, and made the traditional "good luck" meal of PA--pork and saurkraut.  As I look back on the last year, it was rough. But it was also so good. A lot of people agree with the first sentiment, though. I've been dealing with trying to heal my inner child and focus on bettering myself emotionally; undoing some of the trauma from the last 4-5 years plus many year's past. Lola's getting older and her health is rough--so she's on a lot of medicine and a diet of food I cook/feed to her multiple times a day. Work is the same...same pay, same expectations, same routine...which is bad ( mostly the pay part ) and good. So much evil is going on in the world around us. I went through the long process of changing my antidepressants because I no longer wanted to take Effexor. It was just...a lot. But some good things came along, also. I met my boyfriend Adam who is a grea...